I am unsure about the academic path I am on. I truly whole heartedly believe that I am where I was always meant to be. I believe I’m in this path because Allah knows that it is best for me. Yet, I have thoughts about “what if?” I chose one subject over another because the second one has more “career opportunities”, but a part of me tells me (and even one of my friends) that perhaps I would’ve flourished in subject A if I was majoring in it, because my degree right now makes me miserable. It has maths and I’m not good with maths, even though I won’t major in a math related field, it is still going to have an effect on my overall cgpa. The guilt of my parents spending so much money after me eats me alive and on top of that if I can’t even hold a decent cgpa where do I go from there? I know Allah has it all planned and that I’m meant to be here but I can’t help but feel guilty and unworthy of the position I am in and the privilege I have. Because what if it’s nothing but a complete waste? What if I become nothing but a complete failure? I console myself saying that Allah knows best (which indeed he does) and that he knows I can manage this hence I’m here. But what if my choices brought me here when Allah actually gave me signs to not to choose what I chose?  I know it’s such a trivial thing when so many worse things are happening and perhaps I’m worrying about a future where I don’t even exist, but it just makes me loathe myself